Archive for May, 2006

Am back!!!!!!!!!! Anyone miss me? (anyone!!!)

For those who have seen this poleni, if you havent: ENJOY

Kibaki whispering to World bank Director.. who was also kibaki’s tenant in Muthaiga at the time. Either you unleash that funding to Kenya or I hike your rent by 200k kuku wewe!!

Tuju to the PM of Thailand:… and that is Raila .. he is very very stupid .. look at him eh ? we are busy enjoying Thai cuisine and the dude is arguing with the waiter to bring him kamongo… I mean wtf !!! .. anyway were it not for human rights he was one of the animals that we are planning to ship to Thailand zoo=============================================

National Assembly speaker Francis Kaparo:

“ONE: This is the very last warning to all those MPs who have been writing grafitti on parliaments chairs and benches and especially in the toilets .. sijui … “Kamotho was here – 1997 to 1999” mara “I shikashikad Martha before Father did it” .. ETC … THIS IS IT. Anyone found writing on thee wall is OUT.”

“TWO: Anyone found smoking weed in parliament grounds just because the police cannot arrest you in here .. will have to face the Chief Whip. So I am therefore addressing Kajwang, Njoki Ngung’u, Beth Mugo, Mwenje and Tuju .. let me not see you hiding in the garden again”

“THREE: Lina Jebii Kilimo is a married woman ! Can all those leaving her “love notes” in the her pigeon hall cease do do so from today onwards ! … (omits reading the culprit’s names because he is one of them)

It was not me ! I am not the one! I was not even near the Holy family Basilica parking.. I know reports are saying that people saw a white robe running into the chapel after the incident ,, BUT I can assure you I was not the one. ! … Next Question Please ?


May 30, 2006 at 11:55 am Leave a comment

of mothers day, cricket (and trying not to write about liverpool)

Raise your hand if your mother understands the concept of mothers day (if your hand is up, why are you at home and schools already opened?) Am not saying that we should not appreciate mothers, (every sane human being knows we should) its the concept of one day of the year: it is just not enough to appreciate what those women mean and do for us. I mean I love my mother as much as the next person but just because now we have given ourselves one day to tell them how much we love them, does that mean we appreciate them more than they appreciated their mothers?

Frankly am getting tired of this one dayer things and world (fill in the blank) days, they are getting to be as many as Miss (again fill in the blanks). Lets just have one day and call it the world is fucked day and then we can chill and continue fucking the world for the other 364 days.

Zimbabwe were beaten (again 5-0) in the test series. The situation there is just as bad as their economy and just goes to show how much egotistical politicians can fuck up an entire nation.

I am really really really trying (really Iam) not to talk about football and the blood pressure raising game on saturday. So I will just say this West ham Islop is not a name and Steven Gerrard (ASHINDWE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RISWA)

May 15, 2006 at 12:17 pm Leave a comment

arrived in kenya finally- to the sight of actual traffic

Well, I finally arrived in Kenya last night ionly to be stuck at the airport for 2 hours, first my cab was late becuase the police decided to stop traffic to let the IPU members pass, what a drag.

Somehow it made me miss my other mother land, I mean I have NEVER been stuck in a jam, really there are 7 cars, 6 motobikes and 1 tractor (seriously) in the whole village, well and many many, many bicycles. The most traffic in the entire village is when there is an expected plane.

So here I am set to enjoy my holiday sans the traffic jams and rain.

And of course I wouldnt be me if I didnt take a few precious minutes to remind Arsenal that they will be taught a few lessons come 17th May. Which is when I shall resurface.

May 10, 2006 at 1:04 pm Leave a comment

Ruud boy rudes himself out of Man U (listening to football Luhya style Part 2)

When will footballers ever learn, YOU NEVER CROSS SIR ALEX…………………………… cant get away with it. PERIOD

To be honest, am I the only one who feels it was time for Ruud to go, surely. Yeah yeah yeah I know he was the top Scorer in Man u, but damn the guy was hopeless.

Well shockhorror on my radio, arsenal have poisoned Tottenham, (OK ALLEGEDLY POISONED)…… man they scared of barca. Well any sane person/team should be scared of barca, have you seen (or heard) those guys play? If I were a gooner supporter I would take leave immediately and move to my village.

On a very very very very happy note, Chelsea have lost 2 games (IN A ROW!!!!!!!!!!!) WHO WOULD HAVE THOT, just after Jose was angrily telling anyone who was willing to listen that they deserve more respect.

The saaaaaaaaaaaaaad news is that I have come to love an appreciate my world space radio, but since i will be home (YIPEEEEE) I will actually watch (not listen) barca give those gooners a class of footbal 101.

Anyway FYI am visiting kenya today for about 2 weeks, I hope my motherland is still intact and those bloody politicians have not partitioned it.
so tis happy holiday to me.

May 8, 2006 at 10:06 am Leave a comment

well they should pay me, shouldnt they?

So was walking around- yes we do that, what I strongly believe is my village (though no one else seems to care one way or the other) when what do I see but this advertisement for Kenya breweries, in a village in deep in the heart of sudan where a beer (not kenyan) costs 250 kenyan shillings,

First of all, imagine my horror at seeing a CAN OF KENYAN BEER, littering MY VILLAGE!!!!!!!(though it did look beautiful) So Iam bringin it to the attention of KBL and hoping that they will not pass up the opportunity of bragging about their reach (sic)
Speaking of the reach of KBL, was I the only one ama did anyone else hear some kenyan dunder head chick being interviewed on a BBC program about alcohol abuse, the girl was high as a kite telling the presenter to send her the recording couz she will remember Dot about what she said…………………….. IF THAT WAS YOU, I HAVE ONE QUESTION, WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU.

Anyway yesterday I did manage to look at the Failed states index and suprise suprise, there we were at the top (apparently in this case- unlike in our fathers times, being no 1 is not good at all). While my other mother land Kenya has to my shock improved from no 25 to 35. How is that possible, who pray tell did they talk to? No body talked to me (well despite the distance) and no one talked to anyone I know, or anyone anyone i know knows (well you get the idea, ZIP no one)

May 4, 2006 at 5:15 pm Leave a comment