Archive for October, 2006

Karma is a B***CH and boy do I love her

What goes around, comes around.What goes up, must come down.-Karma

They say that whether it is in this lifetime or the next, it will get you every time. And I believe it.

Actually this is a very personal story and if you hear (read) me burst into fits of giggles, chalk it down to temporary insanity. For you to understand this story I will have to start from the beginning.

So here goes: A few years ago, I had this guy. (Herein referred to as K). K and I had been going out for a while. Actually around about 3 years. I thought he was the one. I could not see myself without him. He was kind, generous, loving, and romantic. But still a man’s man. I loved K with the innocence of a child. He could do no wrong as far as I was concerned (maybe that was the first mistake). Anyway to cut a long history short, I thought he walked on water.

Then one day PUFF he was gone. Just like that. He said he had met someone else. JUST LIKE THAT. (Of course there were signs I just chose to ignore them-Mistake no 2). Needless to say I was devastated. It took love, friendship support and a whole year to get over it and him. He went on to marry the girl- Mrs K (formerly known as the Bitch who stole my man).

I assume it was all bliss until Karma struck. I got what I like to think of as a breathless email: (and I quote)

“Guess what? Mrs K is divorcing K, taking him to the cleaners AND he has apparently lost his job” Bye talk later

Bwehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he
Bwehe he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he

Gasping for breath

Tehi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi

Ok am done now.

I know there is something in the Bible that talks about not laughing at other people’s misfortunes. But if we are not meant to laugh at people’s misfortunes, Then God should not make our enemies so unfortunate. (That is tempting us after all we are human)

Am I a bitch for laughing at K? Without a doubt

Do I feel sorry for K: HELL NO.

It may sound like am bitter about what happened. Of course I am….. DUH!

Do I still love him? Maybe in some corner of the left ventricle of my heart. But the rest is pure unadulterated hatred. Infact I am a few kilometres ahead of hatred. Other than the pain of loosing a loved one, I have never felt the pain I felt then.

Will bad things happen to me for laughing at K? Probably. But I don’t care. I do wish though that some more really bad things happened to him.

I love karma. It gets you every time. That is why Y’all need to watch out how you treat other people.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses And all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again!

ROTFL

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October 20, 2006 at 4:07 pm Leave a comment

Workmate-Shagmate


I read this book a couple of months ago and I was asking myself: “What freaking humanitarian programs do these people do?” Its basically about some humanitarian workers and their relationships (many)

And then yesterday happened!

At the beginning of this year, we finally added another girl (ok Woman) to our fold. See for about 2 years I was the only girl,(sigh! what joy it was, sigh, double sigh, the good old days, final sigh) which was okay by me as I don’t normally get along with many women. Through no fault of my own, chicks just tend to hate me. (Even as far back as primary school, I always used to hang around boys- its probably why I think secondary school sucked soo much couz it was a girls only school) anyhow back to the story.

It was an unofficial rule that you could not shag one of the colleagues. Waaaay too much like incest and considering the fact that we live in a camp it could get a tad uncormfortable for everyone else. But apparently this rule did not get through her thick skull! the bitch!

Yesterday we had a farewell party for one of our workmates. Food, drinks, music – basically everything you would expect at a party. Some advice “if you cant hold your drink, THEN DO NOT DRINK” especially at office partys………………Kumbe girl turns into a slut after a few beers. Picture this: 2 girls, 10 men and alcohol. Lets just say that she ended up practising tongue hockey with 2 of the guys and shagging a third one.

She hasn’t come to the office yet but am betting that today is gonna be one of the most uncormfortable tension filled days, and I cant wait (“Evil laugh”) Updates kesho.

To be honest, I do envy her ability to shag that particular guy. Couz why lie, the guy is hooooot. Makes Denzel look like Busta rhymes or Lil wayne/john (or whatever that ugly rapper is called). The boy is sooo sweet you could just bite him. Am soo jealous, but even he isn’t worth whatever drama that Iam sure (hope) will ensue.

Shagging your workmate is almost as bad as sleeping with your friends jamaa/mama. It causes too many problems.. I have so far steered clear of that minefield.

But are there any workmate-shagmate stories that have had a happy ending? Do you know of any?

October 19, 2006 at 12:08 pm Leave a comment

I am addicted

Heeeelllllp.
Today I was reading this and two things came to mind:
First Pole for having to watch Tyra Banks.
Secondly, Iam that woman……….I am addicted to blogging/internet. This is a sad undeniable fact. Sample my day:

Get to the office, set up work place (switch on comp, get out books blah blah blah)

Open the first tab – I always start this way because I promise myself that I will only use one tab to check my mail then start work.

Getting extrememly pissed off because one tab takes too long to check all my 4 addresses.

Tell myself I will open just one more to make it faster, as in the sooner I finish checking my mail, the sooner I will start actual work.

In about 10 mins I will have about 6-7 tabs open and one or two of this will be KBW.

Then I will say to myself, “…………. (insert my name here) you will not read any new postings, you go back to jana’s posts then on you move”

By 1.00pm I have broken all my promises to myself, and I will have read and made comments on every post that interests me. By which time it is time for lunch. And the same process will repeat after lunch.

If that doesnt convince you maybe this will:
Jana we had a couple of drinks (just couz we could) I went back to my room and wrote a really really really explicit post……. I was turning absolutely red when I read it this morning. You should all thank your lucky stars that we have no internet at nite.

OH MY GOD, I SHOULB BE FIRED… really I should.

October 18, 2006 at 5:39 pm Leave a comment

Skype and making friends

SkypeEvery body loves skype, It has broadened the number of ways that people can keep in touch with their loved ones. There is only one problem with skype; every Tom, Dick, Mary and Harry can try to get in touch with you…. Normally I simply ignore the ones I don’t know but sometimes there are persistent ones. But sometimes its hard. Here is an actual excerpt of a conversation from Skype. For obvious reasons I have blanked out some personal information. And I have left even the parts written in Kisii couz they were just tooo hilarious.

Him:

naki bono? Kenya na Gusii mbuya ere/

Him:

u dont want to talk girl?

Response:

do I know you

Him:

Not really, I am chatting u from the state of ( beeep) United states, but inka (Beeeep)bori

Him:

U dont have to knwo someone, Just talk! Please allow me to ur contacts if u dont mind.

Him:

Nka ng’ai baba rende?

Response:

what language is that? I think you may have assumed am a kisii? Nope just married to one

Him:

Oh, ok, This is kisii, where r u married to? Sorry. It is not always good to assume

Him:

Where r u from then? what langauge do u speak?

Response:

sudan

Him:

I DONT THINK SO!!!

Response

dont think what?

Him:

YOU ARE KENYAN AND MAY BE KAMBA

Him:

PLEASE DONT LIE TO ME

Him:

YOUR R NOT SUNDAN!!!

Him:

WHERE IN KISII R U MARRIED

Response

ok if it makes you feel better to think am kamba thats fine by me wont change who I am though. bye

Him:

BYE

Him: (a few minutes later)

U STILL THERE?

Response:

didnt say I was going anywhere, just said good bye to you

Him

EH, PLEASE BE KIND KIDOGO

Him:

U NEVER KNOW WHERE WE CAN MEET

Response:

is there really any need to talk to someone whose first impression of you is that you are lying? dont think so

Him:

I AM SORRY IF THAT OFFENDED U

Him:

WHAT IS UR CELLPHONE NUMBER/

Him::

I CAN SEND AN AOPOLOGY THRU IT.

Response

no thank you. am now in sudan

Him:

I HOPE SO

Him

MINE IS beeeeeeeeppppppp

Response:

I dont want it

Him:

U R TOO RUDE! I HOPE U R NOT 2 UR HUBBY

Response:

Good bye

Him:

BYE THEN

Him:

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK

Response

you too and never question what someone tells you unless you have concrete reasons to

Well at this point I did actually leave (physically)

October 17, 2006 at 10:20 am Leave a comment

Eeeewwwww!

Received thise and thought to share!!!!!!!!!!

During an hour’s swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.


In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles, etc.)


An average person’s yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.


In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects – while you slept!


Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.


Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.


In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket.


At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests.


Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples’ anal gases.


HAVE A GREAT DAY…

…and wash your damn hands!

October 12, 2006 at 5:46 pm Leave a comment

can we borrow you reserve goalie to play for us? Best match ever

Yesterday was a public holiday here as well – a different one not moi day. It was a village holiday actually not a nationwide one.

Anyway as part of the celebrations there was a football match between ourselves and another neighbouring team. What ensued was the most hilarious and funnest game I have ever watched.

Each half was supposed to be 35 minutes long. About 15 minutes into the match we realized that the other team had 12 players in the field…..so we had to stop the game (very very loudly I might add) and complain to the referee. Who interestingly was a teacher from the opposing side school.

Then the first half went on for like 50 mins. By which point we were all drenched by rain and the players were all muddy.

Second half and again the other team had 12 players. (LOL) the nerve.

Our goalkeeper was by this time too tired to play anymore. So we borrowed the reserve goalie of the other side to play for us. LMAO . After about 45 minutes the other team scored. (WE ARE STICKING WITH THE GOALIE EXCUSE). The referee waited until the other team had scored then he blew the whistle. It was the best game I have ever ever watched.

It was after this match that I realized something. I started watching football way back when, as a way of bonding with my then boyfriend. I actually hated the game at that time and was only watching it to impress and please him…. But even after I broke up with him I did not stop watching football. I was hooked. Yesterday I finally understood that I love football passionately and genuinely. (see girls there is benefit in faking it sometimes)

October 11, 2006 at 5:45 pm Leave a comment

Lets vote out Monday

MONDAYS SUCK!!
Is there a group of stuffy old men sitting somewhere in Switzerland (where else) that deals with issues of weekdays? You know like the group that sat down (in Switzerland I bet) and decided that Pluto can no longer hack it as a planet…. Can we have another group that gets rid of weekdays and vote out monday

Hands up those that agree with me. Here are a few reasons why I particularly want this monday out

Harambee stars lost Again!!!

My Radio has developed a mind of its own and has taken the last two days off.

The 9th parliament is still sleeping

The weekend had no league games

I have to work

Iam not paid enough to work here (and I never will be!)

It is the 1st day of a week that has friday the 13th!!!!

That dude is still going on about Kikwete (YAWN!!!)

Ok now am reaching……………………………..add any more that make you hate this monday

have a good week

October 9, 2006 at 11:21 am Leave a comment

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