Archive for June, 2007

Its just you and your hand tonight (for life)

Kill me D.E.A.D

Si every one knows am a lazy ass who can’t write more than one post a week, but here Iam doing my third of the week! There is a reason people, am not one to break tradition for nothing!

Anyway remember this?
For those who can’t be bothered to click, the gist of the story is boy meets girl, boy loves girl, girl loves boy. Boy meets another girl, boy marries other girl! Yada yada yada, heartbreaks galore….Then Karma pays a visit. Seriously click and read its much easier.

Half is to wake up this morning to find an email in my inbox: I will copy part of it:

I know you have heard that (blip name) and I broke up. It does seem like am writing to you because am alone now. But you know me better than that. Even before we broke up with (blip) I had started questioning my decision to break up with you………………..
On and on it went in the same vein!

Oh thank you sooo very much, here I was sitting under the mugumo tree for years just waiting for this. As you know my life came to a stand still ever since you left, I have spent the last few years visiting witchdoctors in ukambani and Bakari in coast all in the hopes that you will come back to me!

What is wrong with your ass? Ati I know you better than what? *sticking out tongue* Kubaff! you think you are who? Coming here to disrupt my life! Kwani am I your mother you come crying to me after you have been taught a lesson by life? I need one very (and I mean really really) good reason why I should even read your email! Why I did not block you years ago I dont know, but I guess I thought I would never hear from you again!

Does this man have a disorder or somethin? What on God’s earth could have prompted him to think that I will consider what he is saying? Enyewe dudes hebu help me out here? and NO I have never given him any hint that I may take him back!

Aki wacha tu I fika kenya, am calling my dead grandmother, this HINDIOT must disappear! As Pink says: Its just you and your hand tonight!

To more pleasant update:

BAT- minus 2 ( ti hi hi hi)

H ‘n’H- 3

Cheering Squad – 3

D1- 4


June 23, 2007 at 10:53 am Leave a comment

One of my favourite programs on radio is a BBC pro…

One of my favourite programs on radio is a BBC program called culture shock! basically reporters go around the world looking for strange trends. So jana ama was it Juzi they had this trend from Antwerp of A hug for a truffle! how it works is that if you see a lonely looking person you give them a chocolate truffle in exchange for a hug! (reverse psychology or something). Anyway for a brief moment I felt all warm and fuzzy thinking of all those hurried looking people in Nairobi who could really use a hug. But then I imagined all the handbags that would go flying on dudes heads! What with all the muggings that takes place in Nairobi! Oh guess not.

Sometimes we get really really bored and have this stupid arguments and questions, so here are some of them: Will reveal my answers in my next post!

  • Rank in order of liking: Alcohol, sex, football.(or your favourite sport)
  • For the dudes, your mum or your wife/gfriend?
  • For the dudettes, your dad or your husband/boyfriend?
  • What is the most stupid thing you have done for love (lust)
  • What lie have you ever told to get a shag?

Smoking update:
Still not smoking! But on Saturday, one of our colleague who had been away came back from home. Obviously he had lots of alcohol and he is also a smoker. Anyway at some point I fungiad him jicho so that he could give me a puff……. slipper guy was not looking. But when he handed me the cigarette, I loooooked at it, and just gave it back to him!
Iam I proud of myself or what?

Haya mujienjoi

June 20, 2007 at 11:27 am Leave a comment

Former chimney: Week 2!

Guest blogger! you evil troll!

Actually it is comments like yours that make me more determined! See am one of those annoying people whom you NEVER EVER  dare! One day after I stopped some guy said “bet you wont last a week!” Ha who’s laughing now!

I have got alot of support and encouragement from alot of bloggers (or as modo calls them- cheering squad) and from D1. That guys is precious! Thank you guys!

ok, am suffering from bloggers block and besides am too busy being pure like a golf course! Hilarious!……………kama hujasoma hebu head over there! It is the only place where am still, and I quote: “so teenage looking, so pubescent…so unchartered…so undiscovered…pure like a golf-course. ”  priceless!

I have nothing to say except:

BAT – minus 1 ( bei imepanda! they loose twice!)

H n H – 2

Cheering squad – 2

D1 – 3 (well he is not kissing an ash tray anymore!)

Enjoy your weekend Yall

PS: JKE is also on the no smokers band wagon! How is going with you?

June 16, 2007 at 10:58 am 3 comments

Former chimney : Week 2!

Guest blogger! you evil troll!

Actually it is comments like yours that make me more determined! See am one of those annoying people whom you NEVER EVER dare! One day after I stopped some guy said “bet you wont last a week!” Ha who’s laughing now!

I have got alot of support and encouragement from alot of bloggers (or as modo calls them- cheering squad) and from D1. That guys is precious! Thank you guys!

ok, am suffering from bloggers block and besides am too busy being pure like a golf course! Hilarious!……………kama hujasoma hebu head over there! It is the only place where am still, and I quote: “so teenage looking, so pubescent…so unchartered…so undiscovered…pure like a golf-course. ” priceless!

I have nothing to say except:

BAT – minus 1 ( bei imepanda! they loose twice!)

H n H – 2

Cheering squad – 2

D1 – 3 (well he is not kissing an ash tray anymore!)

Enjoy your weekend Yall

PS: JKE is also on the no smokers band wagon! How is going with you?

June 16, 2007 at 10:18 am Leave a comment

Week one: Diary of a former chimney!

Never, ever smoke: your mother was right after all!

Sunday:
smoked the last cigarette! was pretty drunk so really didn’t feel anything…. This is too easy. What is the Fuss all about? Finally go to bed at about midnight

Monday 6.30 am
Rise and shine, weekend over. Time to start the week. Due to the over indulgence of the weekend, I did not have time to prepare for the week. So I have to wake up like really really early. I have a funny feeling in my throat! something is missing. Oh well, maybe its just a hangover.

8.00 am: Give away ALL my remaining stock…..
coffee finished…any smoker will tell you that these are the best to smoke:

  • after coffee
  • after food
  • in the morning
  • with a beer!
  • after sex! he he he he

I need a stick like now! but I have to prove to the world that am tough. So curb the urge.

IM my sister and tell her I have stopped smoking: I think she is still in hospital recovering from the shock!

1.00 pm: Lunch! food has no taste, water no taste, I need a sweet!

Day one over! I always said that if I finish day one, then I will be fine: (woooi someone should have warned me!)

Tuesday:
Nothing happening, just fighting the cravings. Food is horrible, I just want something sweet.

Wednesday:
Day starts okay. Me full of determination. Work sax, yada yada yada.

6.00 pm
Visitors in the compound…. 2 crates of beer!

Dear Lord,
Please strike all this people dead
NOW!

should I have a beer or not? Ok maybe one…….two…..three……

9.00 Pm
I will never for as long as I live forget being chased around with a slipper because I was about to break down and smoke! LOOOL

Friday:
Actually feeling good! my room has no cigarette smoke smell, my clothes smell ok. Food is beginning to taste better! this no smoking thing has benefits
More drinks, more craving. Luckily this time no slipper!

12.00 midnite
I once read this thing, ati kissing a smoker is like kissing an ash tray. So I ask the delectable one (D1? yeah he is still around, so I keep getting on and off the BT) if there is a difference between kissing a smoker and a non smoker? attention all smokers: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

Reflection:
I have a new admiration for people who break addictions. I have never had to do anything so hard in my entire life.
So the weekend is here, lets see how many slippers are used this weekend!

Scores:

BAT: nil

Half n Half: 1

June 9, 2007 at 11:01 am Leave a comment

Phew!

Actually couldn’t think of a title for this post!

Anyway, Ahsanteni all those who publicly and secretly wished me a happy day! I did indeed have a wonderful birthday weekend! the best I have had in a while! aaaaaaaand, (mitoto yote ifunge macho) I did briefly get off the bilaz train! lakini am back in it! (aiiiiii, it was a one weekend stand Y’all)…….Yes it was that delectable one!

On to more pleasant news! couple of things happening in my life currently:

  • Am finally leaving this country! don’t know where I will land but you can be sure I will update you!
  • After many many many years, I have finally taken the plunge and stopped smoking! (CLAPS, CHEERS, MAYOE, SHANGWE NA VIGELEGELE!) But that is a battle that I haven’t won yet, but am sooo determined to win!
  • Related to one above, am seriously thinking of going back to school! all my friends are doing it and I also wanna look *smart* no seriously! I think I may!
  • Someone FINALLY saw it fit to name their child after me! LOOL! poor soul!

Ok have a good week one and all!

June 5, 2007 at 9:45 am Leave a comment

Wow!

Today I turn 21 for the 12th time! ha ha ha am as ol as kenya Y’all

I plan on getting too drunk to remember my name! so enjoy madarak day!

June 1, 2007 at 11:01 am 3 comments

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